


Sam, My Sam

by lostinmymindforever



Series: Poems [10]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-17
Updated: 2013-09-17
Packaged: 2017-12-26 20:23:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/969913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostinmymindforever/pseuds/lostinmymindforever





	Sam, My Sam

He doesn't know it, but I watch him sleep.  
I always have.  
Every night of his life I have been near, watching him closely.  
I've seen all his smiles, all his tears, seen every time he laughed, every time he got angry, or hurt, or scared.  
I've watched all along, and never once could I touch.  
Oh how I wanted to.  
Want to.  
I want to pull him into my arms and shield him from the world.  
I want to be the one he calls on in trouble, the one he looks at with love and devotion.  
But that will never happen.  
I'll never be the one his heart belongs to.  
Never the one his soul and body calls out for.  
Never me.  
I'm not his other half, I'm not the one he's destined to be with.  
And I long for that.  
To be the one he wants, to be who and what he needs.  
But it's not me.  
And yet I watch him.  
Closely, stilling my hand from reaching out and touching him.  
And now that he knows of my presence it's even harder.  
He calls to me, keeps holding his hand out in friendship.  
And I stay distant.  
Because I know if I get to close that I will be the one broken.  
Lost.  
Fallen.  
For him.  
For my beautiful human, for the one who has had so much thrown at him.  
He thinks he deserves his pain.  
Thinks that there's something wrong with him.  
And I long to tell him NO!  
That he's good.  
That he's pure.  
But I can't.  
It's not my place.  
I'm not what he needs.  
Each day seems harder and harder.  
Hiding my feelings for him.  
Hiding how well I know him, better than he probably knows himself.  
Hiding how I know his thoughts and dreams, even the ones he denies having.  
I hide my hurt, hide my want, and it breaks me all the more.  
Sometimes he thinks that there is something between his other half and myself, though that couldn't be farther from the truth.  
I could never love him, love Dean, the way I love Sam.  
I could never feel what I do for my charge.  
Sam already owns me, vessel and grace.  
He just doesn't know.  
He'll never know.  
He's my reason, and yet I can never ever tell him that.  
I'd give everything, everything I am, everything I have, for him.  
He's a good man, my good man.  
And I can never have him.  
But I watch.  
I'm always watching.  
And I long to touch, long to have him as my own.  
But that will never be.  
Never be.  
Never.


End file.
